I dropped out of the world three years ago only to resurface. I used to tell people that I was on strike and that I was striking at them. Very John Galt of me, but was that the truth? Yes and it still is.
The big question is: Then what am I doing here?
The Answer: Trying one last time to reach someone; if I can’t reach those closest to me, I may as well reach someone else.
That said…
I am getting pretty tired of having two sides of me. I have to present one to friends, family and coworkers (e.g. the person that I am supposed to be) and then the real me, the one that sits up all hours of the night writing a message into oblivion. I know rationally that I have can’t be both people at the same time, yet it sickens me. These are my beliefs. Right or Wrong, they make who I am. I can hide my true self at work, but for how long?
The reason that I do have to hide:
I work for a state agency that has a policy to troll social networking sites.
I have been fired numerous times, as well as kicked out of college for the beliefs that I do have.
Ahh, just rambling, nobody actually cares. This blog was supposed to be more about substance than anything else. A one stop shop if you will into the life that I lead. Not incoherent rambling.
Till next time…
Urbane Out
~A
July 15, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Wow
I am very pleasantly suprises to admit that I know how you feel. About the whole struggle between two diff sides of myself. And ultimatly having to deciding that going on “strike” is the best way to go about living.
Half of me still wanting to have that social life that means being who “Im suppose to be” to humanity. But then the second half, the real me, that doesn’t respect any of these people because of my stong belifes and standards.
For me, this double life thing isn’t hard to do, but its annoying. Why should I have to hide the real me for people who I don’t respect, and who can’t respect or understand me and my belifes?
But… making that real, valuable connection with someone is a big deal and is something Im constantly looking for. But it seems really impossible at the moment…
Your strike is something I can understand and do strongly support!
Who is John Galt.
July 16, 2009 at 2:25 am
Yes the double life isn’t hard to do, but why must we do it at all. I never told the beggars / bottom-feeders to screw their own lives up. Why must I walk around in a world that is dying and pretend that I don’t see it? I told myself along time ago that I would never back down in my beliefs, yet in the last two months I have had to swallow, not bite, my tounge time and time again, all for the sake of ‘family’. My wife loves and respects my beliefs because they are what make me, me. Yet I have to, when outside the walls of my house, placate people who are, for lack of a better word, scum. Most of the people I encounter in a day have no value to society, yet I am supposed to shake their hands and tell them that, “it’s okay.”
So I am back from the strike for the time being, but I will tell you the three years that I hid in the shadows, was the greatest time of my life. I had never been happier just watching the bottom-feeders hurry and scurry for the last crumbs of the American Dream.
Thanks for reading